On the Other Side of Tomorrow

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

      Happy belated Merry Christmas. I hope it was fun, festive and all-out wonderful.

      Now that Christmas has come and gone (even though the 12 days of Christmas technically starts on Christmas day), it means New Years is just around the corner. Literally. New Years Eve is tomorrow. Last year I wrote THIS POST on January first *after* the big shimmering ball dropped. I just reread it and I have to stay, I was pretty darn impressed with my hopeful eloquence and encouraging sentiment. Unfortunately, I feel a lack of New Years enthusiasm this year.

      I have no grand plans for tomorrow night. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my family and giving my cat and dog a big kiss on the forehead when the 10, 9, 8....countdown finishes. But man, it makes things a bit difficult to get excited for the year 2014 when I'll probably be in bed fifteen minutes into the new year. But, I do not want to be a Debbie-downer. I do not want to wallow in my self-pity and loneliness which is only satiated by leftover Christmas cookies. I want to be as optimistic as I was at the start of this year, which is now almost over.

       Since Christmas, I have had THIS SONG stuck in my head: "Have yourself a merry little Christmas....next year all our troubles will be out of sight..." Next year. Out of sight. I know that the song refers to next Christmas, but, technically, next year is this week. So! Does that mean that by Wednesday morning all my troubles will be out of sight??? I have a bad feeling that the answer is "NO."

      As much as I love this song, I have to say, Judy Garland might be wrong in her philosophy. If I put on a smile today and put off my problems in hopes that they will be out of sight, I will never get anywhere. My troubles will not magically vanish with next year. It would be good to let my heart be light, but it cannot truly be until I work everything out as it comes to me; until I take every day's challenges and adventures for what they are and live each moment to the fullest. If right now I thought, "Well, this year might be lame, but NEXT December 30th will be great," my life would end up as a perfect graveyard of buried hopes (thanks to Anne of Green Gables for that lovely image).

      Last year I talked about Cinderella going about her daily routine after midnight. She sat in buckets of dirty water and dusty floors until the prince came and saved her. But maybe, just maybe, this year will be about throwing off the apron and going out to seek my own new life. I don't mean chasing after some guy, waving around a glass slipper in my hand. I mean chasing after what I want. What I dream. And then, hopefully next year all my troubles *will* be gone, because I'll have found myself and the resolve to make them go away.

      I hope, my dear readers, that in 2014, you take matters into your own hands. You make sure all your troubles will be out of sight by actively ensuring their disappearance. Be your own magic eraser. And if it helps, sing along with Judy Garland for some inspiration and a smile.

                                                                          Sincerely,
                                                                                   Me

My Grownup Christmas List

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

      It's all over now. The semester is finished. I presented my thesis. I took my exams. I drank in celebration. I graduated.

      Now, I am in New Jersey aka my new home for an indefinite amount of time. I've only been here three days and it has snowed twice -today included. Right now I am sitting at my trusty desk and looking out of the bay window. It is snowing pretty hard and the plowman just cannot seem to keep up with it all. Coming from North Carolina where a week and one half ago it was 77 degrees, I am amazed at how much it is snowing and at how *freaking* cold it is here in Jers. But I am here now, and I couldn't be more thrilled at the potential of a white Christmas.

      I've mentioned before how stoked I am to be able to relax and sleep and read whatever I want when I am home. Well, now I am home, and I don't know what to do with myself. I spent all day Sunday rearranging my books to exactly my liking and now they are all out and displayed in front of me -it's a bit overwhelming.

      I still want nothing more than to lounge around all day and just read read read but what about being a grownup? What about job searching and life planning and getting on my feet? What about Christmas shopping for my family and spending quality time with those who will be home? I've got my whole life ahead of me, and yet sometimes it seems like there is never enough time or energy. The Christmas season is supposed to be about patience and love and giving, but what about the time I need to give to myself? Is that considered part of the Deck-the-Halls holiday spirit? Jesus was born in a stable, and I'm worried about where I'm going to be living in the next few months. Is this acceptable during this time of year? It's part of being an adult -but is it part of Christmas?

      Sometimes I feel like Cindy Lou Who from How the Grinch Stole Christmas and I find myself wondering -where are you Christmas? We've got the snow, the tree, the eggnog and the nativity all set and ready to go. But how do credit card bills, insurance payments, and rent play into it all? How can you reconcile the Christmas spirit with the grownup reality?

      I have no answers for all this because clearly I wouldn't be asking them if I did. All I can do for the moment, I guess, is curl under the heating blanket and take it one step at a time. I mean, it is prettttty icy outside. If I take it too fast, I might slip and fall flat on my ass bottom.

                                                                          Sincerely,
                                                                                  Me