My Grownup Christmas List

Dear Whoever You Might Be,

      It's all over now. The semester is finished. I presented my thesis. I took my exams. I drank in celebration. I graduated.

      Now, I am in New Jersey aka my new home for an indefinite amount of time. I've only been here three days and it has snowed twice -today included. Right now I am sitting at my trusty desk and looking out of the bay window. It is snowing pretty hard and the plowman just cannot seem to keep up with it all. Coming from North Carolina where a week and one half ago it was 77 degrees, I am amazed at how much it is snowing and at how *freaking* cold it is here in Jers. But I am here now, and I couldn't be more thrilled at the potential of a white Christmas.

      I've mentioned before how stoked I am to be able to relax and sleep and read whatever I want when I am home. Well, now I am home, and I don't know what to do with myself. I spent all day Sunday rearranging my books to exactly my liking and now they are all out and displayed in front of me -it's a bit overwhelming.

      I still want nothing more than to lounge around all day and just read read read but what about being a grownup? What about job searching and life planning and getting on my feet? What about Christmas shopping for my family and spending quality time with those who will be home? I've got my whole life ahead of me, and yet sometimes it seems like there is never enough time or energy. The Christmas season is supposed to be about patience and love and giving, but what about the time I need to give to myself? Is that considered part of the Deck-the-Halls holiday spirit? Jesus was born in a stable, and I'm worried about where I'm going to be living in the next few months. Is this acceptable during this time of year? It's part of being an adult -but is it part of Christmas?

      Sometimes I feel like Cindy Lou Who from How the Grinch Stole Christmas and I find myself wondering -where are you Christmas? We've got the snow, the tree, the eggnog and the nativity all set and ready to go. But how do credit card bills, insurance payments, and rent play into it all? How can you reconcile the Christmas spirit with the grownup reality?

      I have no answers for all this because clearly I wouldn't be asking them if I did. All I can do for the moment, I guess, is curl under the heating blanket and take it one step at a time. I mean, it is prettttty icy outside. If I take it too fast, I might slip and fall flat on my ass bottom.

                                                                          Sincerely,
                                                                                  Me